I need to escape from my head but it is not that easy. No wonder why I’m confused. My head is a complex electrical circuit and the pathways are deteriorating from self-expectation.
When I open my eyes my head hurts, I pause for a moment to try and think less or from my heart. The feeling decays into alternation creating a negative connotation. In that moment of feeling a leaf drops on my communicator. Today the gray ski blows a steady stagnation past your bench. All eyes are drooping lowly: the nothingness has become familiar and restricted.
I think to better myself. I came to Australia to better my self and direction. Indeed I have done that with support academically and socially. But there is a gaping hole in my self. I’m am learning, breathing, growing, and now I am left with complete dissatisfaction. My heart is not with me. When it is, it is only there for a moment and I can not live through it. To tell you the truth I am very afraid to stop using logic in the prediction that I will stop growing. But the contradiction is there and I am aware, but it is the fear that stops me.
I sense my father within me when I am in Australia. When we see each other our twisted logic collides into some sort of murky energy. This energy is not influential as it does pass.
Not like a friend who I will have to the end, has shown me his way, one which is truly influential. But it is his way. I will have my own, and I will continue to grow even when my material is compressed into stone.
There is a skill to be comfortable in yourself whereby you can treat yourself with the up most respect and love.
An individual I must continue to be. A balance of love and logic.